As every year goes by, I am thankful for the time on this earth, but I question what I've done and what I've brought to those around me. I, like my sweet friend, sometimes think that I am so inadequate. I have always felt so "average". No aspect of my life truly stands out as extraordinary. I remember comparing myself to my younger brother and thinking that his life was so perfect and easy. He's brilliant (seriously, he IS brilliant! Top 10% of MENSA!) He is a natural leader. He's well liked by most who know him. He has a beautiful, sweet, kind wife and 5 gorgeous kids! Overall, to look at him you'd think he has everything any man would ever want. Well, I learned something last year about my little brother. He has always felt jealous of me and felt like I was the favorite of my dad. He opened my eyes to something I had never even seen. His "perfect" exterior covered up his inadequacies. He has obstacles in his life that challenge him. He struggles daily with things that I don't.
So, I guess what I'm writing about is that we each have our own flaws and obstacles. Some are physical, some are mental, some might even be emotional. Whatever those obstacles are, as God's children, we are "fearfully and wonderfully made"! He has loved us with a Love we will never truly understand while we're on this side of eternity. You know why? Because God IS love. So, I will remind myself (and you should too) that if I am worthy enough for the King of kings to love me and care for me...how can I not love myself...flaws and all! I will continue to work at becoming more like Christ. But, when I fall down, I will cry a little while, then I will ask my Father to help me get back up and try again. I will keep on going! And hallelujah! When I get to Heaven, I will be PREFECT - Just like Christ!!!!
Isaiah 40:31
They who wait upon the Lord will renew their strength. They will mount up with wings as eagles, they will run and not be weary and they will walk and not faint.
3 comments:
Sheila, I know what you mean about feeling inadequate and ordinary. I always felt like a misfit in my family of four brothers. They got to do all kinds of cool things and I got to do housework! Woohoo! But my past is what has made me what I am today and it has given me opportunities to encourage others who have been through the same types of issues. It also made me a better mom to my boys. So, I have to thank God for the lessons learned and try not to compare myself with others (so hard to not do). Most of time I am content. Looking forward to that perfection, though!
For as long as I've known you, I've never thought of you as inadequate or ordinary! You are what Linda Stanco would call a "Paul" to me! I am so thankful that you are the way you are. You've been an encouragement and inspiration to me watching how you handle things that come into your life. You are a true Virtuous Woman!
I love ya!
I'm ashamed to say that I am just getting on other blogs in the past couple of days, and just now reading this post of yours and your others. Which really touched my heart!!!
Unfortunately, I've barely written on my own blogs lately, accept to post a few photos and songs.
Not sure who/which friend exactly you are speaking of in this post of 7/2? I can relate to your friend, and also to these struggles you have shared...(as you well know. ;)
Sheila, Thank you for loving me through my baggage...my issues...my sin. I appreciate the time you took with me that Wed night.
I owe you and Claude an apology for ways that I have acted, and things I have said...especially that night of July 1st, and beyond.
I had allowed the contents of my "baggage, aka sin" to spew; My bags had gotten way overstuffed and my sin seeped out everywhere like poisonous green Grinch big belch gasses that wouldn't be stopped!!!
Well, it could have been stopped; I had a choice in the matter.
Still...the nasty green gasses would have been trapped inside with no where to escape...except through other various holes...had I held in the belch! All because, I already had the garbage on the insides!! I had ingested garbage, so much so that I was putting it out in a gaseous form! Ok...ok, enough of that...and the run on sentences!
(that was actually, kind of, a good analogy of what happened...do you think??)
I don't know what I am saying!!! accept to come into agreement with you both; confess that yes, I was wrong and I have sinned.
I've asked God to forgive me for the hurtful things I have said and done, and I'm hoping you both will forgive me as well. (So would you read this to Claude as well? Claude...are you standing nearby??)
Also, I apologize for giving up...when I should have stuck in there, and allowed God to deal with me, and work in and through my life. Even though I had my "melt down aka sin", and stepped out of serving in praise team...believe me, since then God has been dealing with big time!! On SO many levels!!
This week I have repented and asked God to forgive me for specific things!
What I'm wondering is...How did Pastor Jason know I needed those sermons on baggage AND forgiveness??? I've never been that important as for a whole series of sermons to be built around me. lol. Oh wait...It isn't about me.
JUST KIDDING!
However, not kidding about how the series has ministered to me, and changed a lot of my stinkin' thinkin'.
Oh, know this: I've also been on the receiving end recently of some pretty harsh accusations...so I'm with you on that kind of pain. However, I hate it when I dish it out, and I hate it when I receive it too! So toxic!
Anyway, back to the main reason I wrote:
I am asking you and Claude to forgive me. It is hard for me to say how I feel in person without getting too emotional (you well know THAT)
I'm not saying all of these things expecting to be able to serve again on the praise band, or expecting anything else in return. So please know that this is from the heart.
love you both...
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